I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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