I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize