I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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