I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize