Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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