Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
