I just made out with a guy for $7.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
