..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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