1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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