Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize