No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
