Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
