I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
