Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
