Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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