Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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