...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize