I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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