At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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