im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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