I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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