yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
