Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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