@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
