dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize