I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
