aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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