Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
