Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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