how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We are two peas in an std pod
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
