How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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