That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
