did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
