Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
