I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
