I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
