dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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