my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
