overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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