dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How naked do you want me to be?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
