I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
