why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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