My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
