Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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