Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
