just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize