What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
