I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
