Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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