so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
