I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I skipped work to stalk him.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
