you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
A bitchslap is in order.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
