How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
