Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
