I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize