Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize