I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
