I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize