Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize