His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
