now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
