in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
