I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
