if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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