If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
