My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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