I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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