was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
