Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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