Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
